November 7, 2019

I did three brave things yesterday.

I finally opened up to my friend about how i felt and apologised. I got angry at a remark she had made and treated her in a bad energy. I did not find the change to tell her about it and I wanted to because if I did not this might have been a barrier between our connection – we might both have different stories about what happened and built on this stories, making new assumptions and confirming them with these stories.

I did not know her story, I wanted to know and I also did not like the way I behaved – it was not how I felt about her – a monster took over me, the rage hijacked me. I wanted to share how I felt also to deepen our connection and have more light in the future.

I told her and started crying. She was surprised, did not even notice my anger and was not offended. She was so kind and generous and loving, she immediately came closer to me and hugged me. I cried in her arms and probably left my eye-make up on her jacket. We held each other. We loved each other. We healed each other. It was a wonderful moment.

I am so glad I told her. I am so glad she listened. I am so glad she told me her side of the story. I am grateful.

The second bravery was with my Toastmasters Club. Every time I get a little slot in the opening as president’s opening. I wanted to share with the club the knowledge I got from the Open Heart Project and also from coaching conference.
Buddha + Dharma + Sangha or Knowledge/ awareness + practice + community.
I wasn’t sure I could put into words in a right way or I would bring value vs steal their time but I did it anyway and i am glad I did. Most of the time – maybe all of the time I sit down from stage (when i am the president) with a feeling of not performing up to my own standards, being subpar, being an amateur. But then next time I do it again. I am practicing thinking this of myself but not moving with this thought, just observing it. So it is there. But doesn’t matter I will do it again.

The third bravery was posting my dance video in Instagram. Yesterday I danced as a break from work and it felt so good. I wanted to celebrate this, and also maybe motivate people to get up and do something different – stupid – crazy – whatever. Before posting fear started creeping in , will they say that I lost my mind, that I want attention, that this is stupid… Did I think this of myself? No. If somebody thought about it what would that mean? That they think that but it sis up to them. Because I am someone who dances. It is part of who I am and if they think this is stupid so it may be.

What a day it was yesterday.

I am learning every day.

Yes yes yes yes

(I have a new obsession: Stefon – and yes yes yes yes is his line.)


About the author 

Isil Uysal Calvelli

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