Don’t buy into the messages that tell you “you are not good enough” — even if they come from you.
If you’ve been striving to improve yourself but still feel unfulfilled and unhappy, you may have been buying into the “I am not good enough” thought. These messages of “not enough” get polished by the self-development movement — even if you might be leading the movement.
What happens when you follow the thought “you are not good enough”? Your nervous system falls into the “danger” mode — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. If you have a regulation practice, you can get out of this mode, but still it carries a stress load and costs you time and energy.
What is the alternative?
Noticing…
…what is happening?
… what am I feeling?
Inquiring…
… what need does my feeling point to?
… what can I do to fulfill this need?
And here is the most important U-turn:
… what strength(s) have I been using in this situation?
… which strength(s) might I be overusing?
Yes. In any situation, even the ones you are not satisfied with, you are using your strengths. You might not believe this, but it is true. Ask yourself this question and find out. These strengths have been so useful in your life (you might feel the gratitude here), but they may not be the ones you need in this situation. Other strengths are called for here. So your new inquiry becomes:
What strengths of mine can serve me in this situation?
When you find the strength that will serve you, now it is time to come up with a plan. You will not be using your “go-to” strength, and you do not yet have the muscle memory for your new strength — so a plan will make it easier to put this strength into practice. And don’t make this plan rigid. See it as an experiment.
When will you experience the situation where you felt “you are not good enough”?How can you use this “new” strength in that moment?
Plan this little experiment and, when you have it, check in with yourself about how it went. You may need more experiences like this to feel stronger in situations where you once had the automatic thought “you are not good enough.” But now you have a positive embrace of yourself, instead of putting yourself down.
This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.
toni morrison
Why this practice matters now
Because it is easy to be overwhelmed with the uncertainty of life, the speed of change, and the personal and universal suffering around us. And it is exactly in these times that artists go to work — which means all of us.
Turning to your strengths is how you bring your art into the world: your unique way of responding to uncertainty with creativity, resilience, and presence.
Don’t lose yourself in self-depreciation. Keep co-creating with the world through your strengths, with your beautiful being. Don’t hold back — your art, your presence, your way of being is needed now more than ever.
