August 20, 2019

Yesterday I wanted to focus on what I could not the day before: my mission and goals. And I knew I wanted to do it in free drawing in a different place than my office.

So I took my sketchbook with me and went out. I could not find my colorful pencils at home – apparently I had kissed them goodbye during my Marie-Kondoing. No worries. I could go and buy one from the one Euro store. 

And that was my first stop. I met a 90ish year old lady there who told me she could not find the “Gummis” – the elastic bands to keep her wallet tight, it was always near the office material she said but this time it wasn’t. I checked and found something that I thought might be what she was looking for. Nope, it wasn’t. i then found my colorful pencils and was looking around to help the old lady before I left. I noticed the hairbands and thought that would work fine but I didn’t show it to them thinking “Nah, that’s probably not it, she said it was around the office material, she is probably looking something like tape”. I paid for my pencils and some other tiny things I bought and while I was leaving I saw her waving at me, “I found them” she said, she was holding a bag of hairbands. – Shoot! My self sensoring kept me away from helping the lady out. Thank you life for this lesson !

I then went to the cafe of a supermarket nearby, to have breakfast and to start my creative discovery. I took my sandwich and coffee and took the stairs up to go to the beautiful cafe. Ugh, what a smell! It was a smell of sausage, meat, ketchup, very warm and as if my head was inside the bowl. I forgot how powerful the smells could be. I wanted to stay there for a minute in case my nose would get lazy and would not feel the smell anymore at some point but nope, it did not happen, it was still unbearable.

I went down and found a big table facing the street. I took some bites from my sandwich and then started my work. 


This picture above was the first one. I loved how my hands took over and put down what was inside my heat. In my vision I was just part of everything, and everything walked through me and turned into words, which came out of mind, grew and made waves, made people move, grow and dance.  People united in the circle of the freedom of being you. I saw myself as a tree with strong roots and wide, extending, flexible, unlimited branches which danced with the wind and the world. I saw peope raising their hands up and opening it up to the world – BEING OPEN is an important concept in my life and showed itself again here.

I wanted to go deeper in how can I make this vision happen. I realized I needed my people to do the shift but I did not have a system with connecting with my people, to ask them for help, to share with them what I know, to help and support them. I saw it something to work on.

Who does it best? Who is where I want to be? Amada fucking Palmer. I love this woman, I want to be like her. I want to be genuine, loving, unfearful, giving, caring, accepting, not dividing, not hiding and creative like her. 

I  think the keyword is really to show up, the motto, the thing I remind myself everyday. Show us as human, to give, to connect.

I really enjoyed coloring the letters. How many ways are there to fill inside the borders? Many but I saw myself following similar patterns in the first two letters and third one I changed. I wanted the fill color to lead and create more spaces which can later be filled. In the second word I changed my route from filling the spaces to creating things out of letters, well that happened by itself. While I was putting the curls to the U, I realized it became a mouth so I highlighted the gums and I started putting hair to P and realized it became a sweet monster.

I also loved the little ING letters that could not fit but still wanting to exist.

Now it was time to define where my focus would go. Yes it is speaking, writing, questioning, coaching, touching and dancing. Speaking, writing, questioning, coaching and touching are the gifts I can offer to the world. I love doing them and I will seek out opportunities to do more of them. Dancing is a gift I offer to myself. It is living the moment through my body, thinking through my body, allowing  my body to take control. I know I am a dancer and I am embracing it.

The creation was more tiring than expected. I took many breaths in between, looked away. Sometimes I got in eye- contact with people who stopped in front of the supermarket to park their bikes or leave their dogs. A girl smiled at me. I got a bit shy, being exposed with my drawings. But that was the point, wasn’t it: getting comfortable being myself, being free being myself and inviting others to do the same just by showing up. Maybe that happened there and then.

While I was looking away for a pause, I noticed beautiful figures on a building. There was a naked lady which looked powerful, confident, someone who did not give a fuck next to a musician. Maybe she was a dancer? Wow she is strong! What a nice reminder! Thank you universe for the message. 

After I finished my work I decided to go to the technology shop and buy myself a new pair of headphones as my cat bit the old ones. I took the tram, had a bit of sightseeing and arrived at the place.

During this time I was listening to the podcast The Moment with Brian Koppelman where Seth Godin was a guest.  There were two main things that I loved in this podcast that stayed with me. 1st : Seth Godin does not want to be overstimulated because he conserves his energy. He never wants to burn the candles night after night to finish projects and he wants to dedicate his time to things he loves – which is writing.  2nd: He makes a distinction between choice and decision. He suggests that we are spending too much time making choices whereas we could use this time to make important decisions. If it is about which car to pick, which road to take, which ice-cream sort to eat, merely pick one, pick the one that is first, pick the one that comes first in the alphabetical order, pick any one. You’ll be happy with the choice. It is a choice. 

I got this message later again at night through Sadhguru’s video.  Here a student was asking “how do I know I made the right decision?”. Sadhguru contemplated with the term right. He said you can never know what is right. But you can pick something good for you and others, pick anything and give yourself to it. You will be happy. 

After buying my headphone I went to check the shopping mall. A friend of mine (Maja) had told me that she had worked there and they had nice desks with lamps and good wifi connection. And there they were! Unfortunately my battery was 12% and I did not bring my charger with me. Oh well. Next time.


Okay, this was the first version of my picture. LOOK AT THOSE TEETH! (That is classical of me – I always reserve some food between my teeth:) )

At home I worked on The Podcasting Fellowship. I recorded my first audio. The task for the day was this: Read something for a minute and then speak freely for a minute: tell a story or a joke. Seth’s suggestion was to speak comically slow so that we avoid the err and ah kind of fillerwords. By time our brain would catch up with the speed of our talking. 

What should I read? I looked around, I didn’t find anything reading worthy and anything who would fit into one minute. Then I remembered the text of Elizabeth Gilbert about fear, here it is.

I love this text but I found my reading a bit mechanical. The quality of audio was quite good though. Then it was about telling a story. I thought a bit and decided on the lice story. 

Here it is: 

I am happy with the result. Actually I am loving this thing. Excited to the future times where I will record podcast episodes. By the way while searching for podcast descriptions I found a podcast that should have been mine: it is called “Armchair expert with dax shepard”. I have yet to listen to it but I love the idea, the title and the description. A friend of mine had once judged herself when she does not work and only think as “armchair  philosopher”. I actually like the idea of being one, I would be proud to be one. And I would host many people in my living room where I sit in my armchair. There.

Has been a great day, looking forward to the next 19594.

P.S. I am writing the last words at 8 pm so I do not have an intention for the day. I can set some for tomorrow. I will make a speech tomorrow, I want to prepare for that. I will check the work to catch up for Toastmasters Clubs and communication for the BeCoach Academy. That is it and of course writing. Love this!

About the author 

Isil Uysal Calvelli

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