August 19, 2019

I wrote for three hours yesterday. Three! That makes me wonder about the sustainability of my journal – but doubting never helps – doing does. I committed doing it so here we go.

But I loved writing. I was thrilled. That is a good sign, a very good sign. 

I had a beautiful meditation with Susan Piver. Susan Piver answered a question from a follower before guiding us through the meditation. The question was: How do I respond to the hurting acts of my loved ones? Especially when they use my kindness against me? Her answer was beautiful. She said first let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Feel it in your body. But drop the story, drop what kind of people they are who did this, who you are etc. Then think about a time when you did something similar to what’s been done to you just now. See that you are also capable of doing it. Then the separation of you vs I will dissolve. You can show more compassion to the people who resented you. That was beautiful!

We went out for a walk in the morning, we had breakfast at McDonalds: eggs and coffee. I saw a man working in the kitchen with darker skin and thought about discrimination he might be getting in Germany. I thought maybe McDonalds is not such a terrible place because you can always start from Mc Donalds and build up some safety for your life. But then I thought again, is this safety enough? Is thinking “in the worst case I go and work for McDonalds” actually keeping a person away from dreaming bigger, going for what he deserves? I don’t know.

On our way back we saw a big wooden plate leaned over a wall with the paper taped on to it saying “zu verschenken” – to give away. It was actually a folded wooden table that could be used in “flohmarkt” – garage sales. We took it with us to test if that fit to our trunk and it did. We left it there and thought “ok then it is time for us to join to a “flohmarkt”.

Back home I worked on my tasks of The Podcasting Fellowship. First thing: the title of the podcast. I guess mine will be Unique Careers, Unique Lives.  Another participant offered me the word “Out of the Box”. I find the word too much used, worn out even but can I break it and make something out of it?  Something like “Let the Box Go – Into the world”? Not bad, I can work on it.

I worked on the second task which was creating the list of guests for the podcast, ranking them from the easiest to hardest to get. I realized that most of the people I would love the audience to know are actually my friends. I am friends with great people! And I think I would love people to meet people like them, not necessarily super famous. But of course I had famous people in my list, people I love and would love to ask questions and create together: First Amanda Palmer, second: Brene Brown, third: Marie Forleo, and last: Elizabeth Gilbert. 

Interestingly there were no man in my list. Not one. I thought about Anthony Robbins but I felt no curiosity about him – now while writing it comes a bit more. And after submitting my answer I came with another idea – the guy who started the Humans of New York. I love Conan O’Brien but I think he does not fit to the format. 

In between I ate. I ate a lot. I don’t know what’s happening with me. Probably pre-period hunger. That would explain the emotional waves too.

After one week we went to the gym for a body pump lesson. To my surprise I could lift more than before the holidays. On the way back home we ate ice-cream. When we arrived home, I threw myself on the couch for a bit of rest, then moved to another place and stayed there. I fell asleep at 7pm! I went to my bed around 11 pm and woke up at 7 am. I slept 12 hours people, 12 hours!

How come? It might be all the lactose I had, I mainly ate cheese yesterday, got some milk with cappuccino and ice cream too. Maybe that’s why? Whatever. Because of my long sleep I did not work on my vision and goals.

Oh well. It is as it is.

Today I will complete my tasks of the Podcasting Fellowship. It is the time for vision and goals. I feel it! Then it is about answering to people and communicating. 

I will manage my energy well today and stay till 10 pm:) And want to wake up at 5 am tomorrow like I did the day before. Have great days!

About the author 

Isil Uysal Calvelli

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