September 12, 2019

Let’s talk about Wednesday – let’s talk about Amanda Palmer.

I had been waiting for this concert for days.

And it was great!

Amanda is a great storyteller.

She came on stage, started playing her ukulele and sing. People were passing in front of her continuously in the first few minutes because they were late and were trying to take their seats. She stopped playing, and said “welcome, please take your seat, this is a show of acceptance.” That reminded me the quote of Rumi:

“Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn’t matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come.

She could have stopped with an attitude like “Fuck, now my song is ruined”, but instead she welcomed that strange thing to the show and made it part of her show. I loved this inclusiveness and this in the moment creation.

She shared with us her confusions, her pains, her griefs, how she grew through suffering without any auto-sensor as they are, as she felt them.

The show was not only about music and lyrics, it was about her life stories.

I was touched most by the song “A Mother’s Confession”: how she went to pee, leaving the baby one second on the shelf and saw the baby falling in slow motion while she was going out of the toilet, how she once left the baby in the car, how she blamed herself saying “What kind of a mother am I”, how she met a lady in a bar who started a conversation from far and how Amanda said “the baby wanted to say hi” and created a bond with this woman who had lost her son, how she got a speeding ticket panicking of the baby’s loud crying, how she received a baby blanket as a gift from the 96 year old aunt and send her photos of the baby with the blanket everyday after that. Every story was so real.

In about the middle of the concert she told about her first observations about having children before she had one was the sight of unhappy families at the airport carrying Frozen merchandise toys and things. She said she felt so outside of this world and taught herself she would never be like that. When she got the baby, they applied a no screen policy at home, on the flights they were showing art-films to the baby. Until the baby started speaking and speaking out his own will. Then came the time of Frozen. In one flight he watched Frozen for 3 times.

Another story was about a miscarriage she had. She was excited about the second baby but learned that its heart stopped beating. She was sent home to do the miscarriage herself. She had already planned a retreat for herself which she still went in these conditions. It was a yoga resort on the top of a mountain, it was christmas time and was freezing cold. They had told her to call the ambulance when the miscarriage started but she had decided to do it on her own (she had given birth on her own for 24 hours). On one cold night she gave birth to a death baby. It was painful but next day she felt herself the strongest that she ever felt. It was freezing outside.

She said she could write a song about it but there is already a song that expresses her feelings very well. She started playing and started singing in German. Soon I understood that it was the “Frozen”.

She is great story teller!

I left the concert overwhelmed of emotions. It was a beautiful night. but also a beautiful day.

I met very nice people. And one amazing person with whom we had deep conversations over beer.

She had moved to Munich for love very recently. Before that she was living in Portugal for work. She was an event organiser. And before that she had lived in India for a few years working as an agent of an Indian artist and performance group. She had seen them perform in Poland and was in love with it. She sent an e-mail to the guy saying she wanted to work with him, the guy was looking for someone and bam she got the job and moved to India. What a wonderful career story and a life one! For her next work in Munich she was having a couple of ideas and she looked like she was exciting and curious about what will happen.

This beautiful person also won my heart with a beautiful gesture. When we arrived to the concert hall, I went directly to the merchandise table to buy Amanda Palmer’s art book. It was 35 Euros and I only had 30. She lent me the 5. When the concert ended and we were going home I told her I will pay her back, she said no. She said please lend it to someone else. So lovely!

I met another girl who was doing her first Europe trip, she was creating her route according to Amanda Palmer’s tour and visiting her concerts in every city. What an interesting idea! She also gave us a little souvenir – tiny playing cards. I got the number 7.

Amanda Palmer met with us (her patrons) before the concert and I got to see her. She looked very tiny and tired and vulnerable. I loved her. She was kind with all the fans, people asked for signature and she signed everything they handed to her, having eye contact with every one individually.

The morning of this day was also very beautiful.

My dear friend Mihaela was going to come to do a podcast episode. And as our flat was messy, I woke up early and tidied and cleaned a bit. I can get stressed about it sometimes but this time I wanted to exercise mindfulness and gratitude. I felt joy cleaning and tidying the house which kept me warm, and had things that gave me comfort. Cleaning and tidying and caring about belongings can be a way of showing and feeling the gratitude. And it feels good.

Mihaela came and first we went for a breakfast. We had a long one as we could not stop talking. We had always so much to talk about. I love her, she is amazing, she has all the qualities that Napoleon Hill discusses in his book The Law of Success to be successful: she has a definite chief aim, she has focus, she has discipline, she is creative, she perseveres, she can create a vision and plan, she is proactive and she learns from mistakes. I find her inspiring. I learn so much from her.

They say “you are the average of 5 people you spend the most time with”, I see that. I think we can emulate the qualities of our friends. We can dress them up till we have them ourselves. Because we see how it is on a person. I am lucky to have her.

She asked me “What is your focus”, I told her about my projects and she said “You should have a focus, otherwise people are confused.” I think she is right. But for me all the things I do are connected and they are together one.

I believe that all of us are unique and came to this world to bring out our uniqueness to serve the world. To make everyone believe in this and take action to be themselves fully and do things that are valuable and natural to them I write, I speak, I coach, I create the trusted spaces. They are all one. Should I make it easier to understand? Should I compromise from my ways and focus on one? Should I classify who I am with one word?
If so it is “Human”.
If I should do it with two words, it is “Loving Human”.
If I am allowed to do it in three words “Loving Creative Human”

I create words, emotions, connections, energy and spaces.

That is who I am. If that’s not good for business, be it so. I will be then rich in 100 years.

After 2 hours of talking we came back home and recorded our podcast. It was very exciting as it was the first time for both of us. But it went so good. She has a lot of stories and a lot of wisdom. She had some difficult times from which she learned a lot of lessons.
She developed a treatment because of her own injury, she found her inner strength because of her fears, she found what mattered to her because of a time of unhappiness. When I asked her how did you become this person, she said I had no other choice. It was a great interview and we were both happy about it. I am looking forward to sharing it with you.

About the author 

Isil Uysal Calvelli

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